WHEN
A LOVED ONE DIES...
PLANNING A MEMORIAL OR FUNERAL SERVICE
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When
a loved one dies, a family is suddenly confronted with a multitude of
decisions which must be made quickly and with care. Many of these decisions
relate to the planning of a Christian service of
worship to mark the passing of the deceased. To help families with some
of these decisions, we offer the information on this web page. Some may
wish to discuss the contents of this page with their families well in
advance. Others may refer to this page after the death of a loved one,
and prior to meeting with one of our church's ministers to discuss service
arrangements.
In
their time of grief, some families will prefer to have our minister select
the hymns and scriptures for their loved one's service. Others will prefer
to make a few, or all, of their own selections. For the latter, we have
included on this web site, a basic worship order and lists of some suitable
hymns and scripture passages.
Please contact our office to obtain a copy of our Funeral Booklet, including the Worship Order,
Hymns, and Scripture
In all such planning, it should be
recognized that there is no single, "right" way to conduct a
meaningful funeral or memorial service. Circumstances, customs, and personal
preferences can vary widely. In our view, such services should be planned
to reflect the special needs and interests of individuals and their families.
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PURPOSES
OF A CHRISTIAN SERVICE
The Christian faith triumphantly proclaims the victorious passage from
bitter death to eternal life in God's keeping. It also bears witness to
the redemptive love of God which stands with us, and cries with us, when
we who are left behind must face the painful partings and tragedies of
this earthly life. Through appropriate Biblical passages, prayers, and
hymns, a Christian Funeral or Memorial service should help grieving families
and friends get in touch with these vital truths of our faith--and derive
hope and comfort from them.
Thanksgiving
is another important aspect of a Christian service: Thanksgiving to God
for the earthly life of the deceased, and thanksgiving for all that person
has meant over the years to beloved family and friends. Christianity teaches
that individual persons are both unique and precious to God. As such,
in death as in life, it is important that we honor them, and bear witness
to our thankfulness for them.
Also,
the service should help a family commend their loved one into God's keeping.
It should help them find a sense of peace, as they shift their focus from
the earthly to the eternal spiritual identity of their loved one.
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SCHEDULING
Following a death, the funeral home will contact one of our ministers
on behalf of the grieving family to set the date, time, and location of
the service. Usually this is done as soon as possible, to meet newspaper
and other deadlines. For services held in our church, we will, upon request
by the family, secure our Church Organist. Following this initial contact,
our minister will consult with the family to minister to their needs at
this difficult time, including planning the service. If the primary funeral
service occurs out of the area, it is usually the family which contacts
us directly to arrange for a later memorial service in our church.
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OUR
CHURCH
Please know that our parishioners and their families are certainly welcome
to have their services conducted in our church. Services of all sizes
are held in the sanctuary. Grieving families tend to underestimate the
number of people who will attend a public service to demonstrate support
and "pay respects."
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ALTERNATE
and GUEST CLERGY
At times when our Senior Minister and Associate Minister are unavailable,
our church will provide the names of alternate clergy, authorized to conduct
funeral and memorial services on behalf of, and in, our church. For services
not held in our church, the funeral home can provide the names of additional
clergy. If requested by the family, other clergy are welcome to assist
our ministers, or their alternates, in conducting the service. When other
clergy have known the deceased well, we are quite willing to have them
present the more personal, "Remembrance" portion of the service.
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HONORARIA
As part of its ministry to grieving families, our church provides the
use of its sanctuary without charge.
CLERGY:
It is the usual practice in our community to provide an honorarium to
clergy for special services rendered in conducting funeral, memorial or
committal services.
CHURCH ORGANIST: There is a set honorarium for the professional
services of our Organist.
SOLOIST: Honorarium arrangements are made on an individual
basis between the family and the soloist.
CHURCH SEXTON: In some instances, an honorarium may be
required for the services of our Sexton, when a funeral or memorial service
is held in our Church.
More information on these items is available from our local funeral home
and/or from our Church Office.
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TYPES
OF SERVICES
A FUNERAL SERVICE takes place with the embalmed or cremated
remains of the deceased present. Such services are usually held at our
church, at the grave, or at the funeral home. When the service is conducted
in our church, it is requested that caskets remain closed.
A
MEMORIAL SERVICE takes place when the remains of the deceased
are not present. Such services are almost always held at our church. Except
for providing a guest registry, funeral home involvement is not usually
required at these services.
A
COMMITTAL SERVICE takes place in conjunction with the interment
of the embalmed or created remains of the deceased. This brief service
may be combined with either of the above services, or held at a time and
place totally separate from them.
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OPTIONS
FOR SCHEDULING
LOCAL FUNERAL SERVICE--The service is conducted locally,
immediately after which the remains are taken to a local cemetery where
either a public or private Committal Service is conducted.
LOCAL
MEMORIAL SERVICE--The service is generally conducted in our church.
A Committal Service is held at a different time--generally private and
on a day before the Memorial Service.
Some
Memorial Services in our Church are preceeded by complete funeral services
for the deceased held elsewhere, particularly out-of-state.
NON-LOCAL
SERVICES--We regret that due to time restrictions, our clergy
are not usually able to conduct services off-Cape. When an off-Cape interment
is required in conjunction with a local service, the funeral home will
arrange for an on-site clergy person to conduct an appropriate Committal
Service. In such cases, the words of Committal can also be included in
the local service--to provide a sense of "completeness" for
those not attending the interment.
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AFTER-SERVICE
GATHERING
Our church's Reception Committee will be pleased to host a reception in
our church's Fellowship Hall, following any memorial or funeral service
held in our church. The only cost is that a family may be asked to defray
food and paper supply expenses. Our Women's Union will, if requested,
host this same after-service gathering for families of its deceased members.
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SOLOIST
Our Church Office can provide a list of soloists, when one is desired
for a funeral or memorial service held in our Church. All musical selections
are subject to approval by our Senior Minister or Associate Minister.
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REMEMBRANCES
This portion of the service is often better when it seeks to be suggestive,
rather than exhaustive, in commemorating and giving thanks for the life
of the deceased. Here are several ways to add a more personal note to
the service. A single item can be used, or several approaches can be combined.
A
special poem(s) read in honor of the deceased [An assortment of poems
is available in my office]
Statements of remembrance presented by family or friends--or read by the
Minister on their behalf
Eulogy by the Minister, developed from information provided by the family
An open invitation to the congregation for impromptu statements of remembrance
A moment of individual reflection, in silence or as the organist softly
plays one or two stanzas of special music
Excerpts from family letters written by or to the deceased
Excerpts from "sympathy" letters received following the death
Biographical information, such as might be contained in an obituary
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MEMORIAL
GIFTS
Special gifts to the church in memory of loved ones may be made to:
"THE MEMORIAL FUND"--Donations to this Fund
are used to finance special items or projects to benefit the church. At
an appropriate time, family preferences will be sought in determining
the expenditure of Memorial Fund contributions received in memory of their
loved one. The church can provide a "wish list" of needs.
"THE PERMANENT ENDOWMENT FUND"--The interest
from this Fund provides support for the church's annual budget. The principle
of this fund is preserved in a highly restricted account, as mandated
by our church By-laws, to insure the fund's permanence.
Other Church Funds--Gifts in memory of loved ones may be made to any established
fund in the church.
All gifts to our church in memory of loved ones will be acknowledged.
Donors will receive cards of thanks from the church. Families will be
given a list of all donors and the total amount received. Individual gift
amounts will not be disclosed.
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PRE-PLANNING
We will keep a special file in our church office for any who might wish
to have their personal preferences recorded. A word of caution: Pre-planning
should not be so inflexible that it puts an undue burden on the surviving
family--particularly as unforeseen circumstances can arise at the time
when death actually occurs. It is better to leave one's family with a
sense of direction and personal preferences, than with rigid mandates.
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Love
like the ocean is vast and forever,
and sorrow but a shadow that moves over the sea.
May the forever of Love, soon bear the grief of this hour away from your
hearts.
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